What does it mean and who can take part?
CIM is a process where a mediator meets with a child or children during a mediation process that their parents are undertaking. Its aim is to ensure the child’s “voice” is heard when issues relating to them are being discussed by their parents.
Having their voice heard can be particularly important, and helpful, when each parent has a different view of what their child may be feeling or saying. It is not uncommon for a child whose parents are separating to feel they have to take sides, or that they have to say certain things to one parent in order to please the other. This can lead to a child sending out conflicting messages to their parents.
CIM gives children the opportunity to talk about their situation with a neutral person and an opportunity to share their worries and concerns whilst their parents are in mediation, without the pressure of feeling responsible for decision making or feeling that they have to take sides. Most children who take up the opportunity have valued the chance to talk and contribute to their family plans for the future.
As a CIM trained Mediator, I initially talk to the parents about this process and consider in detail with them how it may help their discussions and address any concerns. I also work with them about the best way to invite their children to meet with me and to set up any meeting arrangements to suit their children.
In general terms, CIM is considered where the children are 10 or over; but if there are mixed ages above and below 10, all would be invited – no one is left out. The children are entirely free to also say “no” to my invitation.
The meeting with the children is confidential and they can then decide how their views and opinions are relayed to their parents; including if they don’t want anything to be passed on.
The benefits:
- It’s confidential
- You can develop ideas and try out arrangements to see if they work for the whole family, without being constrained by court orders or statutory involvement, such as local authority or Cafcass
- It’s voluntary – everybody agrees to try it
- It helps you develop new methods of communication and prevents the children from becoming the messenger
Parents can be assured that:
- Children will not be asked to make choices or decisions
- Parental authority is respected
- Children are seen only with the agreement of both parents
- We will discuss fully the process and purpose of a “listening meeting” before involving children
Children can be involved in the mediation process at different stages for example:
- Children can be invited to meet with the mediator at an early stage, to ensure that their issues are included in the parental agenda
- Once options have been identified and explored, in order to hear their views and take them into account
- At the end, to communicate and explain proposed future arrangements and to “fine-tune” them in light of children’s response
- More than once
- For an individual or family meeting.
Please contact me if you would like to find out more about child inclusive mediation.
Justine